I’m often caught in this circular mind frame that has me going around and around in circles wondering which direction is inevitably the correct direction.

I like analogies. I like taking real world simple things and comparing them to the way I feel, or the way I see things. Sort of an anthropomorphism of comparison… if that’s even possible – I’m unsure.

But I feel trapped in a traffic circle. I have momentum to continue on, I have persuasive direction of a forward movement, but I’m in constantly going ahead and back to and from the same position.

For the longest time the actual definition of insanity was that of attempting the same things over and over again while expecting different results. And I wonder now if that classification could so easily be used, then how easily it could now be misused. I’m not insane. Not clinically I’m sure. My quips and querps and all the Q words that come to mind do tend to make me a bit neurotic of course.  And on more than one occasion I’ve been told by the so call professionals that my habits are boarding on those of someone with OCD. Though I can’t give an professional opinion or insight into my own abilities or disabilities without spending far far too much time analyzing shit that just doesn’t need to be analyzed I can respect the very bitty little center of truth that all of those things materializes, and that’s of having an answer.

Where are we going. Where am I going. Why am I here. Is there a god. Is there justice. Honestly. Humanity. Anything, anymore.

Pose big questions, expect shit answers.

There are generally two lines of thinking in regards to the big life questions, I’ve found.

Those who want to genuinely believe that their purpose on the planet is for more than what they feel they are accomplishing and therefore continue to move in a forward motion all their own in order to feel as though they are taking the correct steps towards some pre determined place of accomplishment or greatness, or destiny.

And those who ignore all excerpts of chance. Base all things life on other things outside of themselves, relinquishing control to a higher power, an unseen force, as they react as the pawn (I mean that term endearingly not derogatorily)  or rather lay their lives in the hands of faith to drive them towards their desintiation.

Let’s say I’m a ford focus. I’m a practicle car, that is good on gas and easy to maintain. I function very efficiently with very little effort from any outside source. The gas – or drive to propel myself forward – is relatively easy to come by.  Supply and demand make it impossible to go a few kilometers without having a refueling station. My needs are basically met. Should I have a breakdown, there are people outside of my knowledge base that have taken their own path and molded it around the knowledge on how to fix things that may go wrong with me. Mechanics or psychiatrists. All with fundamentally the same goal in mind (ie fix the problem) but many with differing opinions (alternators vs OCD).

But let’s say I’ve just gotten back from a trip to the mechanic, I’ve had my tune up, my tank is full and I’m ready to hit the road. I now have decisions to make. Do I turn left? Do I turn right? Where AM I going? Forward? Even in reverse, as with cars for this analogy and in life, we rarely find constructive ways of moving backwords. It’s done at minimum. Always.

And to make matters worse for reverse, everything is just that – reversed! Left becomes right. Right becomes left. We have to rely on other perspectives to make it through to a point where we can go forward again. Side mirrors, rear view, back up cameras. All designed to make it easier to get going forward again.

And then once the road is open, a general direction is in mind, here comes a traffic circle. Though by design, the roundabout is quite genius. Used in many metropolitan areas to cease admissions from stop light time, to increase the flow of traffic, to generally make things easier for all those other cars on the road.

But aside from people in the UK I don’t think anyone really knows how to even use one.

So I am signaling in, the inside lane. Decision time is coming at me faster than expected. I need to signal out, I need to choose an exit.  People before me clever enough to remember little details write maps, they write directions so I’ll have a pretty good idea of where each exit will take me.  They worked hard to preserve their own trips just so I could have things a little easier when I make an attempt to take mine. Gratitude? Is that what I’m supposed to feel? Or slight annoyance that someone was here before me, and has everything already laid out on paper for me to read, it takes all the guess work out of growing up, knowing that I’m Supposed to turn left, I’m supposed to turn right, I’m supposed to merge into oncoming traffic if I want to get to my destination fully intact and in record time.

Yes. Slight annoyance. I want to create my own fucking map. And furthermore, I want to drive right off the side of the curb and take my family sedan sensible car loving ass into the grass. Into the field. Into the places I’m not supposed to go, or I guess sort of even by law, vehicular speaking, not allowed to go.

And why not? Why am I not allowed to drive on the grass? Infrastructure destruction? stepping out of line of the societal norms? Granted, It would look pretty damn stupid of me to be caught in the middle of a field, out of gas, stalled in space. Just as it would look pretty damn stupid of me to quit 36 jobs in 10 years. To move 19 times in just as many. To sell my life and drive. But I’ve done it. That’s me. That’s what I do. And even though this weird sense of structure , this right turn exit, that I’m supposed to love and crave and embrace is staring me in the face, all I really ever wanted to do was drive over the curb.

There is a great quote from a movie somewhere that says “And all of a sudden, even though you have a place where you put all your shit, the idea of home is gone.”

I guess the next big question I’ll have to sit down and ask myself is…well if I’m a ford focus, who the fuck is driving?

It's become increasingly obvious to me in the past few weeks that I need to regain my creative footing. IE- I need to write more. this blog hasn't been used enough. which is something I am going to change.

This blog will probably serve more to my babble musings and day to day rambling (as can be seen in previous posts) than to much else. but with the current results of the Canadian election I've found myself more and more drawn to it's world and educating myself on it as much as I can. However, I am still me. and if you know me, you know that I try to find the humor, or silver lining, in every situation. Including the election.

Some of you are probably visiting this from facebook, meaning you have probably already read this. But for the sake of my renewed decision to write more and have it reach a wider audience if possible, I am posting it here as well.

Now that the election is complete, I know that myself, as well as millions of other Canadian citizens are asking themselves the same question.

Why CAN’T Canadian politics be as easy as sparkling vampires? (aka twilight)

Today I am here to answer that question.
For the sake of this analysis let me advise the following
The representative for the conservative party, aka Stephen Harper will be now referred to as Jacob Black
The representative for the NDP party, aka Jack Layton will now be referred to as Edward Cullen
The Canadian citizens will be known as Bella Swan
subsequent characters will be as follows;
Bloc rep Gilles Duceppe – James
Green party rep Elizabeth May – Alice Cullen
Liberal Leader Micheal ignatieff – Mike  Newton
Unnamed reps for the independent parties – Jessica/Angela

Let’s start at the beginning. Bella (the Canadian people) are feeling a bit shaken up since their whole word recently got turned upside down (news of the election)

Bella has been used to the sunny warm weather of Arizona (minority government) And now has to live out her life in the rain drenched darkness of Forks Washington.

Upon her arrival to this new and unknown land Bella is introduce to a smiling and handsome man named Jacob. It’s brought to our attention that Jacob has been in bella’s life for quite some time, in fact, they used to make mud pies together (awww) and he is now in her life to give her the present of a new vehicle, a symbol of his generosity (5% gst) instantly bella trusts Jacob, trusts that he is a good and caring man. She offers to drive him to school, but he declines. He is not a part of the Forks school division, and prefers to gain his knowledge in a private school that only other members of his community are allowed to go to (the alliance church)

Bella, once at school, has the chance to meet Edward. A brootish handsom man who instantly takes her breath away and enlists a feeling within bella of great acceptance (Civil rights for all!)  Her friends Jessica and Angela warn her against Edward, they say things like she should stay away from him, and to not even bother because he believes he is too good for everyone (low brow attempts to smear Layton by the independent parties) Though their first encounter together is a bit rough Bella feels drawn to him despite the peer pressure to ignore his existence.

Bella then is introduced to Mike, a shy and well manned young lad with a pleasant smile and a charm of his own. Instantly Mike is drawn to Bella and vows to himself to make her his ladyfriend. Unbeknownst to Mike, he’s the biggest creeper alive and has zero chance.  (do I really need to remind you that he is ignateiff?)

Bella’s new friends decide it’s time to have a social gathering and invite bella, she accepts the offer. Edward is ask to join too, but since no one really cares about Alice, she is left out (the debate and how May wasn’t invited) As bella is starting to enjoy her time being spent with new friends and new ideas, Jacob shows up and fills Bella’s head with historical stories about Edward that make Edward look bad, he continues advising her that he himself comes from wolves and is all big and strong and awesome, and that Edward is a big ole doodie head.  (again, as a reminder, the debate.)

Meanwhile Edward is consistent in his inconsistency and makes attempts to befriend Bella, only to say the wrong thing and push her away again. Bella is confused.  Then fate steps in and Edward has the chance to save Bella’s life by keeping her out of harm’s way when a van come crashing towards her (see health care reform)

With this new development that Edward is inhumanly fast and life saving, Bella makes the decision to find out the truth about him for herself, objectively. So she sets her sights on new knowledge, she even buys a book that describes Edwards’s type. Its then she realizes that Edward is a VAMPIRE! (A DEMOCRAT!)

Bella goes straight to Edward to confirm her suspicion and he acknowledges that she is right. He is in fact a sparkling pretty boy vampire. But that’s not all. Not only can he zoom around like a nascar driver, he is also capable of attracting humans with his stunning good looks, charming smile and fancy smell (Creating new jobs, caring about the environment, improving accessibility and affordability to child care and post secondary education. )

Plus HELLLOOOO!!!!!  HE FUCKING SPARKLES!!


There is no denying it now. Bella has fallen for Edward, she chooses him to be her mate. (NDP NDP NDP!)

Meanwhile, as their romance continues to blossom, Bella is also introduced to Alice. Since she was never invited to take part in the social gathering, Bella isn’t quite sure who she is. A charming bubbly woman who can see the future (if anyone is going to develop a skill for seeing the future, let’s be realistic people, it’s going to be Elizabeth May)
Alice is open minded and fun. She literally bounces from place to place spreading her joy to the masses. And she takes quite the liking to Bella, as Bella does to her. They become instant friends. Though Bella’s devotion still lies with Edward, she can appreciate all that Alice has to offer, and should Edward ever take a stake to the heart, you can damn well bet bella would dyke out with Alice. (I’d pay to see that)

Edward decides he is going to invite bella out with his family, he arranges the time but just then Jacob shows up, a complication. Edward, not fully wishing to start a fight with Jacob leaves Bella to herself while contemplating what to do. (the decision is yours Canada)

And what would anyone do?

PLAY BASEBALL!

Edward and Alice are both playing nice on the same team, and this is when James comes a knocking . James is a pompous man who relays on his coven to keep him alive, and believes with his whole heart that he and his friends are better off without all those other vampires (bloc is pretty pompous. And separatist.  I’m making this too easy.) but he and his coven rekon that they should all get along for a little while and play a game of ball, to which they agree (non confidence vote!!)

Though Bella is there at the game in all her glory, she is pushed to the far back of the priority list and told to hide. (Though it’s spun to seem like they all got together to force an election for the good of the Canadian people, it’s mostly about who has the bigger bat….that’s a euphemism for cock for those of you who didn’t get it.)

But backfire! James soon realizes that Bella has sworn her loyalties to Edward. And He is having none of that. James spends a large amount of his next few days tracking Bella down (campaigning, do I really need to keep pointing this out? Do you get it yet?) Bella tries to divert him by leaving Edward briefly to join the ranks of Alice, but soon realizes that if she is going to stop James and his attempts to kill her she will have to do some personal sacrifice to appease James. (Listening to his ramblings about the bloc still being a good idea)

Edward, sensing the urgency and danger Bella is about to face, races to her side, as does Alice, to aide in the destruction of James. And together they succeed! TEAR APART THE BODY AND BURN THE PIECES! (umm hi. The bloc got 4 seats. That’s pretty much death if ever I’ve seen it. And  Duceppe (which, for the record, when I say his name out loud I say it like Duce-pee-pee) resigned. ) byee byee BLOC! Err james..yes. James.

In the end Bella chooses Edward (NDP becomes the opposition).

But the story isn’t complete there. Oh no. because Meanwhile, Jacob gets a stupid haircut (is still prime minister), loses all desire to ever wear a shirt (a majority government) and does inappropriate things with Bella’s child (remember that video of Harper singing "imagine" with a small child? That shit isn’t right.)

And he’s STILL a whiny little bitch. (this statement stands true without the comparison brackets)

Ps. Mike realized he was a douche and moved on to someone with limited intelligence. IE the people who ever voted liberal to begin with (buh bye ignateiff!)

Thus concludes my rendition of political similarities between the Canadian election and Twilight.

see? it is as easy as sparkling vampires.